I Don't Have A Clever Title For This

I think we confuse our idea of monotony with God's. We see monotony as tedious, boring and unfullfilling work. When actually, when you're doing what you love, monotony is the exact opposite. I think that's something we missed somewhere along the way. I can't help but think how our lives would change if we stopped and took comfort in routine. Not our idea routine, but God's. God is a master creator. He made Adam, and He loved him so much that He made Eve. And He loved Adam and Eve so much, He made Cain and Abel. And even after Cain murdered his brother, God said I still love you so much, that I will personally make sure that what you did, doesn't happen to you. It's estimated that since the beginning of time, 108 BILLION people have lived on this earth. This tells me God is not at all concerned with routine. In fact, he embraces it with open arms. Jesus died for Gods routine. Not just for one, but for all. And it's not like he's improving his skill overtime the way we would improve on crafting something. We're all fearfully and wonderfully handcrafted in his perfect image. 

I think all it takes is a shift on perspective. As believers, as we seek after him, our hearts become his heart. He says he will give us the desires of our hearts. As a good friend told me today, it's not a new Maserati, but it's his desires. My desires are to help build Christ's church. It's a routine to do what I can to do so.I regularly see people find God for the first time and I've had the privilege of praying with some of them. Is it something I get bored with? Absolutely not! Because the right perspective on routine for anything is key. Regardless of what it is.

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭31‬ NLT)

I know I used this in my last post, but that was a while ago. Plus it's good enough that it merits a repeat.

In his final book, "Orthodoxy", G.K. Chesterson says this.

A child kicks its legs rhythmically through excess, not absence, of life. Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough... It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again," to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again," to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike: it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.

this is what you do, you make me come alive

Then God said, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."

Genesis 1:26

imagine you're walking on the beach. there's no one else around, just you and the crashing waves. a man walks up in the distance and he kneels down in the sand and starts doing something. you can't quite see what he's doing but you tell he's really involved and focused. curiosity gets the better of you so you pick up the pace to investigate what he's doing. you finally reach him, let's say you're standing about 5 feet away from him. you see what he's doing and you just watch in amazement at what you're seeing. he's making a person in the sand. a person complete with a eyes, a nose, ears, fingernails. he's leaving no detail unattended. you want to say something but you can't. you can't wrap your mind around the perfection of this creation. he finally finishes, he straightens his back and leans back while still on his knees. he has a huge smile on his face. a smile so big you can barely see his eyes because his cheeks are pressing close to his eyes.

Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

Genesis 2:7

he leans in to the sculpture, takes a deep breath and puts his mouth around the nose and exhales. suddenly the sand turns to flesh and the now man takes a deep breath and his whole body moves like someone who has just woken up from a deep sleep. you're completely frozen. what was this i just witnessed? who is this person? the sculptor stands up and reaches his hand down to the now man and helps him to his feet. the two of them start to walk off and before they're too far gone, the sculptor looks back at you with that same smile he gave the sculpture. you hear a soft, comforting whisper in your ear that says, "this is it. this is my masterpiece."

now, imagine this again. and again. and again. and again. and again. and again and again and again and again 108 billion times over. yes, 108 BILLION times over. that's how many people are thought to have lived on earth. it takes a wild, ridiculous love to do something over 108 billion times and never get tired of it. and not only not get tired of it, but get pure joy out of doing it. and desiring a close, personal relationship with each and every one of them. my mind can't wrap around that kind of love and devotion. my heart is humbled and very full.

“Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.” 
― G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.

Isaiah 49:16

Search me

Search me

Search my heart

Search me until there's nothing left

Nothing left but You

Rid me

Rid me of of my desires

Rid me until all that's left is You

I want nothing but all that is You

So search me

Oh my God

Search me

Until there's nothing left but you

See that I love you

See that I believe with the heart you gave me

That I love you

Withhold nothing good from me

Fill me with your desires

Fill my heart with your heart

Baby, tramps like us

It's 5:30 am and I'm sitting at my gate waiting to board a flight from San Diego to Houston, Texas. I have an hour yet and I'm too under caffeinated to read. 

I've been to California a few times in the past 4 years and this is usually the part of the trip i start thinking hardcore about my life, who I am and where I'm going. I think about the endless possibilities that are ahead of me. I'm not married and I don't have kids so there's literally nothing holding me back from whatever I want do, whenever I want to do it. Right now, especially, that thought has pervades most of what cycles through my head. I think about "home" and what that actually is. At least, a home outside of Heaven. I know I'm an alien here. But while I'm here, I think about it. Is it home because that's where my family is? Where my stuff is? My job? My church?  I still really figured it out yet. At least to a point where I'm satisfied with the answer. Don't get me wrong, I have a million ideas of what home is. But that's just it. They're ideas. I don't have anything concrete.

In 2008 I read a book that shook me to my core. "Into The Wild". It's about a man who sells his stuff, packs what he has left and hits the road in search of something that he feels is real. I've often felt like doing something like that. I've even thought about what my life would look like if I had went to the extent that Alex Supertramp went to and became a homeless vagabond. Don't worry, I'm not actually going to do that. I feel like it's a healthy way for me to process life, though. I've always had a sense of wonder and amazement and I feel like if I did something like that, I would really see America and really see me. More importantly, I would see God. More than I already have. I would basically be living a life on nothing but faith. Faith in that He would provide food and shelter. Faith in Him providing the basic things we take for granted. 

I want to experience the world. I want to experience me. I want to experience God. I want to physically feel God moving across my body like driving down an open interstate that hugs the coast with the top down and Springsteen on loop. I want a life that makes God laugh with pure joy because I'm doing exactly what He intended for me, specifically, to do. I want to die completely and totally empty to the world. 

For a few years now I've had a reoccurring dream that I could fly. I could fly anywhere at any speed i wanted to. One of the last dreams like that I had, I was walking, I stopped and put my foot up like I was about to walk up a staircase. And I kept going. I was was walking up stairs that weren't visibly there, but they WERE there. They held me up and even though I couldn't see them, I knew they were there and i kept going. I don't remember making it to the top, but that doesn't matter to me. 

I've always waned to fly for real. Just pick myself up and fly. I know this body isn't capable to doing that, but that still doesn't mean that i can't fly. That doesn't mean that I can't let myself go and feel God the way I mentioned earlier. I've wasted a lot of time in my life.  I'm not about to do it again. God has already made up for a lot of that, though. He's rebuilt what i have destroyed, and tried to destroy.

I know I'm all over the place here, so welcome to my brain. And   I'm boarding soon so I'm gonna wrap it up here. But with no real ending place. All I can say is there's an entire world out there that's calling for me . There's an endless hallway of doors that I can take.

I don't where I'm going from here, but I can promise you one thing. It won't be boring.

Jesus Wept

"Jesus wept." John 11:35

This is one of the shortest, but to me, it's one of the most powerful verses in scripture. Lazarus, a good friend of Jesus, has died. But I always wondered why? Jesus knew Lazarus was going to die before Lazarus was even born. None of this was a shock or surprise to Him. I look at it in two ways. The first way, the way that just comes naturally, is that Jesus was sad. That simple. He was 100% God but also 100% man so He has human emotion. He has real, tangible feelings. He's around a group of people that are mourning the death of their friend, and their brother. His heart breaks for them. I'm sure everyone reading this has experienced the pain and heartache that comes with losing a loved one. The Bible says that Jesus arrives four days after Lazarus has been in the tomb, but the hurt hasn't even begun to heal in that short amount of time. Verse 33 says that after seeing Mary crying, He was deeply moved in his spirit, and wanted to see where Lazarus was. Mary led him to the tomb, and it was there that he wept. 

But maybe, it wasn't all because of Lazarus that Christ was saddened. He knew that he would raise Lazarus back to life. He knew Lazarus was going to be OK, he knew all of this. But I see it as death as a whole. Our human view of death is a ceasing of existence. But to God, it's totally different. It's an eternal separation of people from himself. Christ cried because of death. But not our view of death. He cried because he knew that the very people that he was coming to die for, were going to reject him. He knows that there will be people that are going to separated from him for all eternity. I think it was the real reason for death that made him cry. It was a feeling that was overwhelming and emotionally crushing. 

I can't remember what he was talking about, but I remember Dr. Daniel McNaughton, one of the overseers of my church, and close friend of my pastor, but he was talking about what it meant when Jesus was "moved in his spirit." He said that in the Hebrew translations, it translates into Jesus stomping his feet like a bull would before he would charge. So it seems like there's a second feeling here that Jesus is dealing with. He's sad, and now he's angry. He's angry at the grave. He's angry at death. He's angry and saddened about an eternal separation. That's why I believe death is so devastating. Because despite what our culture and society says, death is not natural. It was not something that was ever intended to be experienced.

So, how does Jesus respond to these emotions? Verse 41 and 42 says that he thanked God for hearing him, and for always hearing him. Which means for us that even in the hurt and heartache, Jesus was still thankful.

And then, in verse 43, we see Jesus attack. He call out with great power and authority, "LAZARUS! COME OUT!" And Lazarus comes out of the tomb! I love this so much because Jesus takes the offensive against the grave. He takes his power and authority over what angered and saddened him and says "NO!"

And eventually, he does the same thing for us. Christ laid down his life so we would never have to experience a real death. He laid down his own life so that we may never experience separation from our Father.

Like he did for Lazarus, Jesus has called us out of our graves. He took to the offensive, and attacked death head on. So as we gather in our respective churches tomorrow morning, remember John 11:25-26. "Jesus said to her (Martha), I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?"

the more you Noah

just wanted to write out a few thoughts on the new Noah movie. i've been reading a few articles where the writer says he or she will not see the noah movie. their points are all the same in that director darren aronofsky is an outspoken atheist and he's been quoted to say things like it's the most unbiblical of Bible movies and he's not concerned about Biblical accuracy and all that jazz. i'm not sure how much of this is true because i haven't taken the time to research all of his quotes. and frankly, i don't care. i'm not concerned about it. and for the record, i have no desire to see the movie because i've read the book and the movie is never as good. but that's me.

anyway, i won't tell people to not see it either. if anything, it's starting a conversation. say you're unbelieving coworker goes and see's it. the next day at work they engage you in conversation about it. they hear all this talk about the accuracy and controversy about it, so they talk to you. because you're a Christian and your life should reflect Christ and they know that they can trust you for an honest, open thought without criticism and ridicule. so that right there opens the door. the ask about the movies, then who knows. it may lead to a conversation about more. more about who God is and what He does. and who this Jesus guy is that they've heard about but never knew who He was. they actively seek you for discussion and you're armed with the truth and you're equipped with the power to to say what needs to be said because Acts 1:8 says when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, you will receive power.

and as for darren aronofsky, he may be an atheist. you may not like the idea that an atheist is making a movie based on the Bible. you may not like that it's not totally accurate. and one day he'll have to answer to that. he'll have to answer to the fact that he believes Noah is a story and not factual. he'll have to answer to the fact that he's obviously familiar enough with the Bible to know about Noah but has deliberately refused Jesus. but i believe that people will come to know Christ because of this movie. i believe that people will engage in active conversation and people will actively seek the truth about what the real story is. so, basically, and this goes for me too, lighten up. God is in ultimate control anyway and His word says that all who seek shall find.

I have this whole place to myself.

So, I'm sitting here leading my first small group. Only problem is, no one showed up. Which I'm 100% cool with. I'm in a small, familiar place with a cup of hot tea and myself. And I really like myself, and being an introvert, it's been a pretty successful night so far. It's been awhile since I've written anything on here so I'm just going to take a few minutes and just see what happens. I'm in no way a linear thinker so if you are, hit that back button because you may become annoyed.

While waiting for people to come, I open Facebook. Because when you have downtime, who doesn't open Facebook? I came across a picture my sister posted of her and her husband the afternoon before their first date. I looked at it for a few seconds and one of the first thoughts that came to my mind was how much they've played a part in my life. I was 13 when they started dating. I was just really starting to "see" the world. They took the time just to hang out with me. 

The only thing is, Eric lived in Virginia. But seeing the amount of time, effort and patience the two of them invested into their relationship from such a long distance really made an impression on me. It was like, even though the trip one way was 3-4 hours, it was totally worth it even if they only got to spend half an hour together. I don't remember when it was exactly when I first met him but I knew that he loved SNL and Chris Farley. Which, thanks to Nikki, I was very familiar with. I didn't take me very long to warm up to him, probably because he brought a Norm McDonald movie with him and the three of us watched it the weekend we met. I've never felt weird, or uncomfortable around Eric. Which I had a tendency to do around new people when I was younger. They were, and still are the two most supportive people in my life. They listen and never stomp me out. No matter what idea or thought comes into my head. They have a love and a trust in me that they're able to always know my motives are pure. They've shown me what pure, genuine love is. They, for me, set a standard for what a relationship and a marriage should be. They've been nothing but a positive influence on me and life. They always encourage creativity and individualism. Even now, 15 years later. They still encourage me. Even in the midst of a crazy new idea, the first thing Eric did was buy me two books about it.

I really believe that because of all the time they spent me with me over the years, which has been over half my life, all the words, all of the support, the understanding, the lack of judgement, the willingness to just hang out with the awkward little brother. It shaped me. Everything I took from their influence shaped most of who I am today. I thank God that they are who they are for each other, me and our family.

I don't remember what year it was, but they moved to North Carolina after they graduated college. I also can't remember when it was that I stopped taking my vacations with my family, but I do know that it was a few years until I finally took a vacation. And I went to Raleigh. Only because that's where Nikki and Eric were. I took a few trips down, then they moved to San Diego. Yep. Southern California. I've been there 5 times in the last 4 years. Only because that's where they are. As much as I love San Diego, my first choice in places to go will be where ever they are. So I'm praying they stay in San Diego. Because it's awesome there!

Nikki and Eric. Thank you. Thank you for all that you are and everything you mean to me. I love you both!